Meet the Disney Matchmaker.
Meet the Hollywood Matchmaker.
Meet the Bollywood Matchmaker.
Now, meet the Sooraj Barjatya Matchmaker.
The matchmaker, Tuffy, lives with his family in Prem Nivas.
His family includes Chachaji, played by Babuji,
Chachaji’s older nephew, Rajesh, played by ‘always-the-eldest-Mohnish Behl’ who is just as astounded as the audience by this typecasting
They put me in eldest brother crisp white kurta again!
And Rajesh’s younger brother, Prem, who loves his family.
Like in every film, within half an hour it is time for Mohnish Behl’s wedding.
His marriage is arranged to chachaji’s friends’ older daughter, Puja.
Rajesh and Puja fall in love in the first meeting itself in true Sooraj Barjatya style, bonding over a painting of a temple, in a temple, while the aarti plays in the background. Such sanskar.
Puja has a younger sister, Nisha, who loves “chocolate, ice cream and her saheliyaan”, although we see absolutely nothing of the latter all through the movie, making their very existence doubtful.
Prem manages to charm Nisha in their first meeting as well with just a tilt of his head, a skill he has mastered over several years and films.
The audience is then taken through every single wedding ceremony.
First, there’s the engagement, which takes place in a temple during a remix bhajan with lots of God-thanking and tongue clicking.
This is followed by another song in which chachaji flirts with his nephew’s mother-in-law, literally singing her praises and charming her with the harmonies of his harmonium (no guitars for sanskari people), while her husband, played by Anupam Kher on a sugar rush, watches fondly.
Harmonium gets my heartstrings going
Totes okay with this.
This is also how the Hum Saath Saath Hain plot began, with chachaji and the lady in question falling in love during the song and afterwards changing their names and, taking along the dimwitted Rajesh and Prem, moving to Rampur.
Anyway, the wedding is a big success with lots of ugly clothes and underarm sweat patches. It also has the most synchronised barat in the world, led by a random woman whose assets are wrapped in aluminium foil.
It’s also during the wedding that Prem and Nisha realise, after breaking a bed with their combined weight (no double meanings there), that they are in love with each other.
After the wedding, the new bride leaves for her new home where she is gifted a copy of the Ramayana because, as random childless uncle, played by always-the-random-childless-uncle, tells her, “isme Sita hai.”
But Sanskari Bahu already knew that.
Sanskari Bahu, Puja, settles into the family very well, spending all day caring for her husband, father in law, and the deranged Prem who only sings songs praising her efforts without doing anything at all to help.
This does, however, help her earn her place as a ‘girl’ in the family and she manages to attain a cap stating the same, just in case her duties/assets led the audience to believe otherwise.
As always, Mohnish Behl gets his wife pregnant about twenty minutes after their marriage, and so Nisha is back with Prem, in his family loving jeep, doing countdowns (10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1..LETS..START…THE…FUN) in anticipation of their next song.
The Godhbharai takes place with Nisha singing a whole song about Prem, but that doesn’t arouse anyone’s suspicions.
Prem also makes a brief appearance to whip a woman dressed as a Prem.
Also, this happens.
After the ceremony is over, Nisha stays on with her sister until her delivery.
Prem and she also take their relationship a step further one night when Prem takes off his shirt,
And joins Nisha for a bit of this.
And a bit of this as well.
It’s supposed to be a sophisticated dance, but it just ends up looking like Prem is trying to be an ape.
Anyway, their romance is inturrupted by a baby’s birth and, like in every Sooraj Barjatya movie, it’s a boy! Rajesh is so happy he beats his wife with excitement, not knowing he’s going to repeat this feat a few years later in Hum Saath Saath Hain.
When Puja goes to her parents’ house soon after the baby’s birth, she finds out about Nisha and Prem’s relationship, so she does what any normal person would do…Garba.
Then she falls down the stairs and dies.
But not before doing this.
Which everyone interprets as “After I die, please make sure my husband marries my sister”.
With their powers of interpretation, it’s surprising they didn’t take it to mean she wanted Rajesh and Prem to get married.
So anyway, Prem decides to sacrifice his love for Nisha for the happiness of his brother and nephew.
And Nisha agrees to the marriage, thinking she’s marrying Prem (LOL), until she sees the wedding invitation at her Sangeet, and she’s like
On the day of the wedding, Nisha writes a letter to Prem and hands it to Tuffy, asking him to deliver it.
Tuffy then has to make the most crucial decision in the entire three hour film.
The deranged one or the sane one?
But Tuffy is the Sooraj Barjatya matchmaker, so he knows exactly what to do. And while bhajans play in the background, he hands the letter to Rajesh, which leads to this
And then, finally, this.
Chachaji tries to join in the celebrations afterwards, but he’s a little confused about the difference between dancing and riding a horse.
The movie, hence, ends with Nisha and Prem’s wedding, and Tuffy quietly slips into the background, like every matchmaker must, until Rajesh’s son is old enough to sing songs.